I'm a Good Mom

Ah, the week before New Year's. This is a time where I traditionally reflect on all the things I do wrong, and how I'm not going to do them wrong the next year. It's a time when I think of all the things I am NOT (not healthy, not good with money, not fit...) and how I am going to attempt to change all of those things starting January 1st. But this year I actually surprised myself. 
Being a mom is probably the largest part of my identity at this time of my life. And generally, since I have been thrust into that role, I have never felt like I excel at it. I always have felt that I am surviving; some days better than others, but surviving nonetheless. 

Good Moms definitely make sure to take Instagram Selfies. 

Despite all of the reassurances to the contrary from my husband, my family, my friends, my therapist, the internet, the piles of parenting books and my other parent friends, I still believed I wasn't doing a great job at being a mom. I was doing an adequate job; I was the world's okayest mom. 
But reflecting back on this year, I had the shocking realization that I don't really feel that way anymore. In fact, I think I'm doing a damn good job. Even if my kids watch too much Netflix, eat McDonald's, and are not fully potty trained. Even though I hate the park, I don't make cute little presents for preschool on holidays, and I often don't shower for more days in a row than is probably healthy. Even if sometimes I feel like I want to scream, and sometimes I do. Even if I need some precious alone time from my children, but then sneak into their rooms and risk waking them up just to get the goodnight kiss I missed. Now, when my children throw an epic tantrum in the middle of the grocery store and all eyes are looking at me and how I will deal with it, I know that no matter how it ends I AM A GOOD MOM. 
I am not perfect, but as someone once said to me: "if there was such a thing as a perfect mom, you would hate that person anyway". There is no need to be perfect, because what my kids need is me, crazy and all. All of those times I felt like I was barely surviving, and doing a horrible job at raising tiny humans, I was actually just being a great mom. Because that is what great moms do. 
I have told myself this countless times before this day, and never ever truly believed it. I would say it, and then think of all the things that I needed to fix about myself, to make me "a good mom". This doesn't mean that there isn't a bunch of things I can do better, because of course there is. But not doing them doesn't mean I am failing at all. That is a very freeing thought. 
So this new year, I will still start it off with wishing I was more healthy, more fit and better with money. But I will not be feeling horrible about the year I just gave to my children. I actually feel really proud of it, despite all the rough spots, because it means that I have been lucky enough to spend it with the people I love the most in all of the world, and I know that they (and I!) am better for it. 
So Happy New Year to all of the Great Moms reading this. I wish you another year of joy, tears, tantrums, messes and LOVE. 

Lazy Mom Fall Decorating Reveal

My front door area needs a lot of help. The door is just awful; full of marks and old stickers. I am desperate to replace the door with one with a window to let some light in because I have zero windows on the front of the house on my main floor. But replacing a door seems like a normal person DIY project, which means we are not capable AT ALL of doing it. So it will wait. 

So beautiful...

But it is a bit sad. I have a dead hanging basket hanging on the front and a generic black rubber mat that says "Welcome". That's it. I wanted to spruce my stoop (is it a stoop?) up for the fall season.  So here is the before photo:

See? It needs some help. There is a lot of space for really cute fall decor, and it has a lot of potential. So I did some decorating that fits into my busy lifestyle:

All Fall-ified

 Isn't it amazing? Here, I'll show you a side-by-side comparison just so you don't miss it. 

And here, my dear ones, is an example of setting small, achievable goals. You too can have a blog worthy front porch with minimal effort! Here is a handy tutorial: 

Step 1: Purchase pumpkin.

Step 2: Place pumpkin on step. 

Happy Fall Everyone! 

Hello...it's Me

Whoa. So normally I kind of hate the "sorry I haven't written" type posts, but considering the fact it's been about 2 years since my last post, I suppose there should be SOME sort of catchupiness happening here. 
So. It turns out blogging when you have 2 small boys is hard, yo. I mean, I had a lot of balls to juggle, and blogging seemed like the best one to drop. Because the other two were my boys (and that isn't a good thing, I am pretty sure we can all agree), or my ever-loving mind. I have managed to escape with that one somewhat intact, though it hasn't been without a struggle. 
Depression and anxiety are not great for my creative juices. I had opened my laptop many times and stared at the blank screen with my hands ready to type and literally nothing came to mind. It was almost like someone had deleted the writing program from my brain. I have not really written much of anything for 2 whole years, and that is pretty crappy. Because I do love to write, even if it is dumb little anecdotes. 
So, here we are. 2 years later. After therapy, and group therapy and medication and many, many, many tantrums (both from the kids and from me), and tears and laughter and joy and fun and sadness. We have made it through, and are at a point where I can put them in front of the TV to watch Penguins of Madagascar (I mean, how hilarious is Dave?!) and sneak upstairs to write this. Because the days of my children needing 140% of my time and attention are gone, and now they only need about 110%. So maybe I can use that -30% to concentrate on myself for about 20 minutes until someone needs something. I mean seriously, how many times a day can you hear the words "Mom, I'm STILL hungry!!"!?!  You are tiny little humans with stomachs the size of lemons*. I mean how much can you actually fit in there for crying out loud?? 
*please note, I have no idea what the actual size of a preschooler's stomach is. 

You know what? Parenting is hard. Being a person is also sometimes very hard. It's even harder to be a parent and also a person at the exact same time. I haven't got it mastered yet, but I am getting better at it. 
I'm sure it's been hard, in my absence, to not know what my thoughts were on (trying desperately to think of parenting issues that have happened in the last 2 years...) the Royal babies, celebrity baby names and *insert hot-button parenting issue here*, but I am sure you managed somehow. And thank you to all who wrote me a note to check in and see how I was doing, and to those who requested I start to write again. I am sure you will regret your decision soon enough. 
So here is where we are at now. Peanut (Finn) is turning 4 next week. New Baby (Q) is now 2.5 and Hubby and I are still basically the same, just with a few grey hairs. Also, Kitty is still alive and well (she is still not quite right in the head, but that is her normal, and we generally love her anyway). We moved into an awesome house last year where we finally feel completely at home. Despite my terrible past as a plant serial killer, I am trying my hand at growing some fruit and veggies in our gardens and not completely failing. So far my success rate is about 60%. The plants are being lulled into a sense of safety. I am still at home with my boys, which means I basically sit on my butt all day and watch Maury Povich (is that guy still on TV? Because Oprah isn't, right?) and eat bon-bons. 
So there we have it. When written down it sort of sounds like I haven't done much these last 2 years. Which is basically true, lets be honest. Sometimes just surviving is all the busy you can handle. 
Much love to you all. I've missed you, darlings.  xoxo